I wonder about people and sex and how truly poor most people are at it. To me sex is like any activity, if you want to be good at it, it takes work, study, time, some level of devotion. The statistics about sex are sad. Most women don't have orgasms during sex, and many have never had orgasms period. What does that say? There's this mentality that as long as something's pumping and someone is winded, it's all good. No! And sex within a well defined relationship is bad enough, but people would have one night stands. I understand the thrill of anonymity and the rush of the hunt, and I understand not everyone is in or wants to be in a relationship, but I think it's necessary for great sex. What kind of relationship depends on the parties involved, but hoping you've stumbled upon the person that will expand your mind to the sexual universe while dancing to young joc in the club is not very realistic.
I think of it like a birthday party. If you met a stranger and threw them a surprise birthday party you'd do ok. You'd do all the things most parties do. You'd get a cake, some decorations, some gifts, invite some people, just the generals. Like sex with a stranger most people know the general areas to touch, commonly accepted positions and phrases, etc. But if you were to throw a surprise party for someone you really knew you would know their favorite kind of cake, you'd get them presents they actually want instead of generic female bath set. You'd invite their friends maybe some they haven't seen in years. You'd know they're a huge Pistons fan and decorate in all Pistons colors etc. It would be a party they'd remember. You can't rely on it being a good party just because it was a surprise just like you can't expect good sex simply because the meeting or anonymity is thrilling.
Part of what makes sex great is knowing what pleasures your partner, your partner knowing what pleasures you, and releasing inhibitions. You just can't have that with a stranger. Sure they'll rub you, kiss you, eventually penetrate, but that's just the fundamentals. And you'll never feel completely free to relinquish restrictions because that's human nature and a defense mechanism. Perhaps you know your partner hates receiving oral sex but goes crazy when you trace their lower back. Maybe you really like hot/cold play but would you tell the guy you picked up at the bar "I'm sorry could you find a candle or eat this cinnamon candy while I find some ice" Some pleasures must be ignored in order to stay within the acceptable societal norm of sex with a stranger. And I don't just mean fetishes of rare perversions, I mean regular things people find arousing but couldn't request of a stranger. Over time your partner knows what you like to feel, how you like to be touched, what phrases drive you crazy, what your innermost sexual desires are and a partner who explores and fulfills that makes for great sex.
People send more time playing video games than working on sexual technique. They'll call around, and look online for cheat codes but don't even bother really learning erogenous zones. Everyone knows the blow/lick in the ear trick and are content to stop there. They don't care about differentiating the three female orgasms, or understanding male non ejaculatory orgasms, or locating the "m spot" in fact most can't even find the "g spot" and that's common knowledge. Most people are just painfully ignorant. Sex ed classes just did not teach people everything they needed to know in order to have amazing sex (that's not what they're for) but people don't do any learning or study after that one semester course in high school.
I feel passionately about it because sex for me is an essential spiritual component. Which by the way, most Americans don't even bother understanding the spirituality of sex, it's just physical fun. Never mind eastern knowledge and study. Kama sutra, tantric sex, and great rites are only just beginning to be whispered about in the US. It's like on the path to sexual revolution people forgot to ensure sexual quality and reverence. It's just have as much mediocre sex with as many people as you want and hooray for you.
I just have to laugh when I hear people say "yeah she was squeelin" or "you know I put it on him". I think, what are your credentials? I mean great sex doesn't require cloistering. You don't have to dedicate your existence to the art of sex but you don't know anything. Why should I believe the sexual merits of some guy from the east side who's never read or learned anything of the world sexual movements just because he says he can "do me good". He points to satisfied customers like that means something.
I just don't get it. If you wanted to be a great writer, or basketball player, or cook you'd read, learn, expand your knowledge base, and yet with sex, you fumble and grope your way through recess and you senior year of college and all of a sudden you're a sex god/dess. What?