I need to speak to some of the men today about their courtship techniques. Earlier this week I had a discouraging experience. While shopping at a mall I heard a "hey" from across the corridor. I turned and saw a group of young men one of whom was the one who called out. Taking note of him I turned back around to continue walking and heard another "hey, come here" I stopped once again to look at the guy with a puzzled stare and then kept walking. Of course (almost out of earshot) I hear his thoughts about my reaction, which were not very pleasant. I thought about this interaction as I've had many similar to this one, and asked some of my friends who had also had similar encounters, and I came up with this list of thing guys do wrong in approaching women.
First of all who do you think you are to flag a woman down? We are not cabs or dogs to be called upon when you desire our presence. If you wish to interact with a woman walk over and start a conversation like a regular person in civil society. It's just rude. You wish to speak to me, so why should I stop at your shout, turn and walk over to you and say "yes you called". This behavior means you must believe you are offering me something I should be willing to work for. You must be such a catch that all you need do is shout in my direction and I should feel honored enough to stop what I'm doing and pursue your call.
Second when starting a conversation with a young lady especially one you wish to "court" or pursue, do not start the conversation with "hey, come here" or "ay shorty what yo name is" or "hey baby let me holla at you for a second" or "yo cutie" etc. Try introducing yourself. Perhaps a hello would be nice. Why is it ok for you to address me so informally? No not informally, with such disrespect? We are not lovers, friends, or even acquaintances and yet you feel free to address me as easily as you would a prostitute. So from these actions it would seem you believe you're so enticing so formidable that I should not only be willing to pursue you on your terms but I should be willing to ignore or be flattered by your disrespectful tone.
Third if you are trying to gain the company of a young woman put your best foot forward. You are trying to attract her. What do you have to offer: a smile, a charming word, a sincere interest, etc. Slouching against a wall, grabbing at your crotch, while shouting for her attention in a group of guys is not the most impressive sight. No one's asking to see your credentials (they matter little in the realm of attraction) but answering the "why should I even stop to listen to this man" question running through her mind is a good idea. You must believe I should pursue you on your own terms, be flattered by your disrespect, and be impressed by your total lack of appealing qualities because you are so great and potent a man.
Fourth if a woman does not respond well to your "advances" do not get rude or aggressive. Sometimes women do not respond because they are not attracted, sometimes because they're rude, but sometimes it's because you started the encounter on a negative tone. Your last redeeming quality of handling her indifference like a gentleman you throw out the window. When I keep moving despite your “effort” it’s because I'm uppity, or a b****, not because you’ve been offensive by acting like a total cad.
Were I to hang out in a group of women at the mall rub my butt and shout from across the way "hey you, hot stuff come here to me I wanna talk to you for a minute" you would keep moving. And if I were to then say to my trolling companions "what a f***ing dick" you'd be baffled. And yet everyday I see and hear guys do that very same thing.
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